


Last Breath

by BlueBayou



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Or not, Possible Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 12:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5417654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueBayou/pseuds/BlueBayou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on 4x09 - Not canon compliant. It's just my take, based on the spoilers before the episode aired. I turned it into a fix it fic, and I will continue it past the ending of 4x09.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 56 years

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on 4x09. I started this fic before we saw the episode - so keep that in mind, it will be different. It's also a fix it fic, in a way.  
> I posted this first in my drabbles, but since I kept adding parts, I decided it was better for it to stand by its own.

“I love you” 

Her eyes full of fear never left his. She had trouble letting the words out as she was slowly suffocating. Yet, her eyes never left his. Not even when she couldn’t stand anymore and slowly drop to the floor, her hand still reaching out for him. 

He had been standing on the other side of the glass, helpless. His hand touching the cold surface that was keeping him away from her, that was keeping him from saving her. He had fell on the floor with her, the pain and horror preventing him from forming any coherent thought. Murmuring “Hey” over and over again, like he had told her so many times. It was his word, it was their word, the one that always reassured her, the one that told her they were OK. Despite knowing how futile and useless that word was, that was all he could do. Repeat it over and over again, even if his voice was barely a whisper.

She fought hard, forcing her eyes to stay open as long as she could, trying to tell him without words all the things she wanted to tell him. That she loved him more than life itself, that she would wait for him. Wherever she would end up, she would wait for him. And if there was another life after death, they would meet again and fall in love again. Because they were soulmates and none of them would ever be complete without the other one. Because that’s what he was. Her soulmate, the love of her life. The father of her children. All the promises they were supposed to make each other, she only had a few seconds to tell them without words. Hopes and dreams of white dresses, of countless lazy Sundays, of growing old together, of the children they were going to have. A little boy, that they would name Tommy to honor the friend that had helped put Oliver on the right path. And baby girls, because of the look Oliver had everytime she was holding Sara.

Her last thought was for him, a prayer he wouldn’t lose sight of the person he had become. It came quickly. Her eyes shut for the final time and the last thing she saw was the tears that he couldn’t hold back anymore.

 

Minutes passed. Or hours. He honestly didn’t know how long he had stayed on the other side of the glass, watching her motionless body. She had been so beautiful that night, there hadn’t been a single woman who had been able to rival her beauty. He had pictured their wedding day, how she would probably take his breath away in her white dress. Never had he imagined that this red dress would be the last one he would see.

Darhk and his men had left him. He had given up the fight once he had seen her first struggles to breathe. There hadn’t been any need to restrain him, because the strength was leaving him just as life was leaving her body. There was nothing he could see apart from her and nothing he could hear apart from his own heartbeat. His own heart that was betraying him in the worst possible way. How could it keep beating when hers had stopped? How could it keep him alive when every single beat was bringing him excruciating pain? Why hadn’t it stopped with hers?

He didn’t even notice the sound of a fight. He had forgotten about the plan. Malcolm putting on the hood to save them all. It had turned out that there had only been one person to save. Darhk had barely looked at the other ones he had taken – Diggle, Thea. He had known right away whose death would destroy him to a point where there would be nothing left of him.

He didn’t even feel Thea’s hand on his shoulder. He didn’t hear Dig’s choking cries. He didn’t want anything or anyone to take him away from her. He wasn’t ready. He needed more time. They were supposed to have more time. Hours, days, years. He was supposed to live until 86 years old and not once had he thought she wouldn’t be with him for every single one of these years.

56 years.

He was supposed to live 56 years without her.

56 years until he saw her again.

56 years without her smile.

56 years without her voice.

56 years.


	2. Against All Odds

In the end, it was Malcolm who forced him to move away from the door. He didn’t even have enough strength to push him back. He barely noticed Thea falling down next to him, her arms around his shoulders as she tried to comfort him through her own tears. He almost collapsed on her, his weight too much for her. She tried to talk to him but her words were choked up and it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Nothing made sense. Nothing could make sense. She was gone. Nothing would make sense ever again.

Seeing Malcolm finally opening the door – the door that gave up so easily now that it was too late, as if it was mocking him and his futile attempts – was like an electrical shock. He couldn’t let him touch her. No one had the right to touch her, not when she was still so perfect, so beautiful and peaceful as if she was only sleeping. But the hair, the make up, the jewelry, the dress… they were constant reminders that she wasn’t sleeping.

He finally got up, pushed Malcolm out of the way as he walked inside the room. He sensed Dig following him but staying outside, respecting the boundaries that Oliver needed at that moment. Kneeling, he delicately pushed a strand of hair back, his fingers grazing over her still warm skin. It was his undoing. Knowing this would be the last time he would feel the heat of her skin underneath his fingers broke whatever was left of him. His legs couldn’t carry him anymore and he crumbled on the floor besides her, cradling her body close to him. His head buried in her hair while uncontrollable sobs tore through him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Were the only words he could get out and he repeated them over and over again, not even noticing how his own tears were dripping on her hair. He pressed trembling kisses on her forehead, his hand cradling her face like it had when he had first kissed her. He had lost so much time. If only he had known how little time they would have had together. If he could turn back time, to that first day he met her, and re-do everything. Spend every possible minute of his existence with her, tell her how much he loved her. How much he had loved her from the beginning. How his heart had known instantly even if his brain had taken a while to catch up. Tell her about the secret he was forced to keep from her. Tell her that there was no Oliver Queen without Felicity Smoak. Tell her how the world was already a sadder place now that she was gone. Tell her that the sun would never shine bright for him again.

“Come on, man. We have to go” Dig’s trembling voice finally got through the haze of his mind. Hearing the sorrow in his best friend’s voice only made his even more real but it was enough to make him tear his eyes off her. Seeing the tearful face of his brother, his eyes red and his mouth still trembling made her absence even more brutal. She was really gone.

Dig put his hand on his shoulder, trying to give him the strength he didn’t have anymore.

Thea approached the two men as well, her small hands reaching for Oliver’s face as she tried to dry the tears that were still running.

He tried to take a deep breath, choking on it. He tried again, and again, and again, until he finally was able to breathe somehow normally. He then delicately put his hands underneath her body, cradling it as close to his as possible.

A deep intake of breath, her eyes shooting open.

She coughed violently, trying to get some air in her lungs. Her eyes watering, she blindly reached for Oliver, putting a hand on his chest as she focused on her wheezy breathing.

The shock had Oliver moving from her, his brain unable to comprehend what was happening in front of his eyes.

“Felicity!” Dig fell to his knees besides her, supporting her and already lowering her down in a position that would make her breathing easier.

“O… Oliver” she coughed, he voice so throaty he barely recognized it. But the love behind it… he would recognize it anywhere. It was enough to shake off the shock as he leaned over her, his hands shaking so much he was afraid to accidentally hurt her.

“Hey. I’m here. You’re OK. You’re gonna be fine. I’m here.” His own voice sounded foreign, the emotions making it so raw it almost seemed like the one of a stranger. His mind was forming words, questions, prayers. How? Why? Questions that were being echoed by the rest of his companions as they were trying to make sense of what had just happened.

“What were the odds, really, that he would use the very same virus I inoculated you against?” Malcolm’s voice reached through them from the other side of the door where he was still standing.

Dig and Thea looked at him, remembering the virus Ra’s had used, while Oliver kept his eyes on Felicity. Questions could be answered later. All that mattered was that she was still there, with him, and he had to take her to safety.

Looking at Oliver visibly helped her calm down as she mimicked his breathing. She finally sat up with his help, but he didn’t let her move any more. He stood up, picking her up in his arms. She let her arms fall around his shoulders, like they have done so many times before, her head resting on his chest as he carried her to safety. 


	3. Just The Two Of Us

He didn’t even pay attention to where they were heading. He was in the back seat of the car, Felicity curled up to his side while his arms were wrapped around her. She was eerily quiet, her face snuggled in the crook of his arm, her breathing in sync with the beating of his heart. Oliver rested his cheek against her head, kissing her forehead every now and then while his hand lightly stroked her hair.

He had always prided himself on the sharpness of his mind, his ability to stay focused and take in his surroundings in a quarter of second. But now, nothing could get through the fog in his brain. He was vaguely aware of the voices around him, Dig and Thea talking quietly about hideouts, about strategy, about intel… He closed his eyes, willing to shut them out, willing to be able to take Felicity somewhere else, somewhere just for the two of them, a place where she’d be safe, a place where he would never see that fear in her eyes again.  Breathing in deeply, the fragrance of her shampoo filling his senses, he tightened his grip on her. She reciprocated instantly, her small hand gripping his shirt, right above his heart.

The sudden lack of movement finally forced him to shake out of his trance, just as Dig opened his door. He quickly unbuckled their seatbelts, then lifted her once more, unable to even let her walk alone, desperate to feel her against him, as close as possible. Taking in their surroundings, he realized they were outside of Star City. The car had stopped in front of a small cottage, similar to the one they had used as safehouse in Central City.

“Argus” Dig told him, answering the question in his eyes.

Thea hurried, opening the door for them. Still carrying Felicity, he made his way inside the house, not stopping until he reached the sparsely furnished kitchen. Once Dig had arrived with a couple of bags, he asked “Is there a bathroom somewhere?”

“Yes. Upstairs.”

Oliver whispered in Felicity’s ear “How about a bath, or a shower?”

She nodded, forcing a small “yes” out of her sore throat.

Thea picked up one of the bags, leading the way as he walked to the second floor, entering the first bedroom he could see.

“Do you guys need anything?” Thea asked nervously, glancing at Felicity with worried eyes.

“No. Thank you, Thea.”

“OK. Just know that Dig and I will keep watch. You should rest for a couple of hours. Alex…” she stopped herself, shaking her head “nevermind.”

“What? Alex what?” Oliver asked her as he sat down on the bed.

“He… he wanted to know if you…” Thea  twisted her hands “If you still plan on running, you need to show it.” She finally let out in one breath.

Oliver frowned “Thea, I’m not sure… I don’t know anything right now. What did he have in mind?”

“You need to show the people that you are still there, still fighting. We never got to finish the ceremony for the lightning of the tree. He suggested we do it tonight.”

Oliver stayed silent for a minute. As he was just about to open his mouth, Felicity spoke up, her voice still raw from all the coughing.

“He’s right, Oliver. It’s now, more than ever, that you can show to Star City that you can be their leader.”

Felicity raised her head, looking at Thea “Tell Alex we’ll do it. By the bay. Can he put up something?”

“Felicity, I don’t think…” Oliver started.

“Oliver. I’m OK. You are too. We are going to get over this. Together. Star City needs you.”

He gazed at her in wonder “Are you sure?”

“Yes” she smiled at him, then turned her head to Thea “We should all rest for a few hours. Tell Alex to set up something by the bay for 8PM.”

Thea nodded, dropped the bag on the floor then silently walked out of the room, closing the door on the couple.

“Felicity…”

“Shhhh” she interrupted him, softly putting a finger on his lips “I was promised a bath.”

The beginning of a smile grew on his lips as he leaned down to press a small kiss on her lips, lingering there, breathing her in. He finally parted, resting his forehead against hers as their noses lightly rubbed against each other’s.

He picked her up once more despite her protest “I can walk, you know.”

“I know.”

She laughed quietly, and the sound was music to his ears. He put her down on the counter, already starting the bath. He went to get the bag and rummaged through it, fishing out a toilet kit. Felicity proceeded to clean her face, wiping out whatever was left of her make-up.

As soon as the bath was ready, he helped her get undressed, unzipping the dress that he had been dreaming to take off her body last night. It seemed like ages ago, now. The dress that had taunted him all night and that he had found himself hating just a few hours ago when he thought it would be her last outfit. He delicately undid her hair, making sure his fingers could run smoothly through the strands. Holding out a hand, he helped her inside the tub, her sigh of pleasure not escaping him. It warmed up his body, probably much better than any hot bath could ever do. He swiftly took off his clothes as well, not wasting anytime, before stepping inside the tub and settling behind her, his arms encircling her. She leaned down on him, tilting her head so he could bury his face in the crook of her neck, his lips pressing soft kisses on the tender skin of her shoulder.

Her own hands rested above his arms, her fingers grapping the firm muscles. She lightly scratched his skin, then used the tip of her fingers to smooth the ache.

“I love you.” He murmured, the sound muffled. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“Shhhh… I love you too.” She whispered back, turning her head to face him. Her hand came up to frame his face and he nuzzled against it, moaning softly. She waited until he opened his eyes, then smiled tenderly at him as she kissed his lips.

The kiss was soft, tender, almost hesitant, as if their bodies needed reassurance. His lips moved slowly against hers as their hands met, linking their fingers together. They lost track of time as the kiss deepened, still at a leisurely pace, none of them in a hurry. Their tongues finally met, dancing and teasing and taunting. Whenever one had to catch their breath, they would linger, opening their eyes, smiling at the love they were seeing. Cherishing that they still had each other, that they still could take the time to savor each other. They both knew it was only a matter of hours until they had to face the darkness again, but for now, they would bask in each other’s light.


	4. A Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This is the latest part of this small fic. I am going to continue it, past the ending of 4x09. It's my own way to deal with the hiatus from hell ;)

 

“You are going to make tomorrow’s headlines.”

“I hope so. It was the whole point.”

Felicity chuckled “I wasn’t talking about Oliver Queen, candidate. I was talking about Oliver Queen, romantic at heart.”

He gazed at her, smiling adoringly at the perfection she was. Softly taking her hand in his, he kissed her palm, his thumb caressing the engagement ring. They were in a limo, Christmas carols playing in the background. He had managed to clear their schedules for two days and was planning on spending the weekend in a small cottage he had found, not too far away from Star City. He knew they had pressing matters, but those would have to wait a few days. He needed a break, he needed to breathe. He needed her.

Sudden realization made her gasp “That’s what Thea meant! The day we showed them the new lair!”

Oliver threw back his head, laughing out loud “I almost arrowed her. I can’t believe you didn’t ask her more about it.”

“Well… she had been struggling with pit-insanity, I thought it might have been linked somehow” Felicity explained sheepishly.

Resting her hand on his thigh, still stroking it, he explained “She has known for months. She’s the one who sent me the ring in the first place.”

“Knowing Thea, she must have grown… impatient.”

“That’s putting it mildly” Oliver snorted.

She put her hand on his, their fingers entwined. She noticed his other hand was twitching slightly, a sign that something was bothering him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked him softly.

Taking a deep breath, he was about to reassure her when the image of her behind that glass came back to haunt him.

 “When Darhk took you… what he did to you. I thought I had lost you. Forever.” His eyes darkened with pain as he remembered her choking, how she had used her last breath for him, to tell him she loved him. How he had been helpless, standing behind that damn glass, watching as life was slowly evading her body.

“Shhh. It’s over. I’m fine, I’m right here with you.” She whispered, her fingers gripping his hand in reassurance.

Turning his head, he lost himself in her eyes. She hadn’t been able to stop smiling ever since he had dropped on one knee. To be fair, he hadn’t been able to stop smiling either.

“When we opened the door… after you… after you had” he struggled, not being able to say the words.

“After I lost consciousness?”

“Yes.”

Sensing the battle he was having with himself, she let him sort through his thoughts for a while, encouraging him with a soft smile while her hand kept stroking his.

“Felicity, there is something I want to tell you.”

“Does it have anything to do with how weird you were in Central City?” she asked him, tilting her head. He might have told her that everything was fine, but she had not been fooled. Something had been bothering him.

He nodded “I promised to keep a secret. I don’t want to keep it from you, but I don’t want to break that promise either.”

Felicity frowned “Did Barry ask you to lie to me?”

“No. No. Believe me, I never want to hide things from you. I would tell you everything if I could. But I can’t. Not because of the person who asked me to keep the secret, but because it involves somebody else. It would be wrong for that somebody else, if I broke my promise.”

“Is it… bad? Or dangerous? Does it put us in danger?”

“No. I promise you… it’s nothing like that. I also promise you, I’ll find a way to come clear about it with you. When we get married, there will be nothing between us. That’s my promise to you. I just need a bit of time.” He whispered the last words, leaning his forehead against hers.

She lightly kissed his lips “Alright.”

“Alright?” Oliver couldn’t help but feel surprised at how easy it had been for her to agree with that. He knew Felicity, he knew she couldn’t resist mysteries.

“Mmhmhh” she nodded “I want to marry you, Oliver. That means I trust you. Without reserve.”

“What have I done to deserve you?” he asked in wonder.

“Well… that ring sure helps.” She teased him, glancing down at her hand in disbelief “It looks even bigger in here.”

She raised her hand, leaving Oliver’s for the first time since he had put the ring on her finger. Turning it, she admired how the light caught on the priceless stone. Huffing, she rested her hand back “Meh. To tell you the truth, I don’t even care about the bling. All I care about is you.”

She leaned towards him, softly kissing him. As the car was speeding through the city, they got lost in each other, sharing lazy kisses, lingering whenever they had to catch their breath. There was no hurry in their embrace. The moment was solely tenderness and love. Passion could wait until they got back home. They had all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, don't hesitate to tell me your thoughts, good or bad!
> 
> You noticed, I had Oliver mentionning the secret/lie... It still bothers me a bit that Felicity doesn't know despite them being engaged. I also understand Oliver and how he feels like he doesn't have a choice. This is my way to show that he is aware he can't marry her with that big secret between them, yet not breaking his word to the mother of his child.


	5. Inconceivable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this part took longer than I expected - Christmas and His Girl Wednesday literally stole all of my free time lol.
> 
> Anyway, there you go ;)
> 
> Thank you so much for your support, it means a lot!!

The car stopping wasn’t enough to get his mind off Felicity’s soft lips, which were slowly, teasingly moving against his. A small ringing tone in the back of his head, one he had grown familiar with during all these years when he only had to rely on his instincts to survive, finally forced their lips apart. The dark windows didn’t make it easy for him to see what was happening outside, but the limo had obviously stopped in the middle of a street.

“What’s going on?” he asked the driver who didn’t have time to answer. Only a second later he heard the first sound of a machine gun. He didn’t think and just grabbed Felicity, forcing her down on the backseat while he covered her with his own body. Judging by the noise, they were being shot down by several shooters at least. And they were trapped, helpless inside the car.

He tried to protect Felicity as best as he could, even using his hand to shield her face from the shattering glass, grinding his teeth when pieces of glasses would tear through his own skin. Her small whimpers of fear forced him into action. If he stayed there, they didn’t stand a chance. He had to move the car.

How he pushed the driver off his seat and slid behind the wheel himself, hitting on the gas as he drove mindlessly as fast as he could, he could not remember. His heart beating wildly was the only thing he could remember as one thought and one thought only took over his mind “I have to get her to safety.”

He drove during a few minutes, taking turns in case they were followed. Once he reached a deserted road that wasn’t too far away from the lair, he stopped the car abruptly in the middle of the street, jumping out and rushing to the back door. They hade made it. They were safe.

“Felicity!” he almost shouted with relief as he opened the door “Hey…”

His word got caught up in his throat when she slumbered and would have fallen on the cold macadam had he not caught her in his arms. His eyes searched her body, not understanding.

_She was fine. I shielded her. Why is there blood?_

He never had any problem carrying her, he always teased her how she weighed nothing. But as his mind started to grasp the reality of what those large blood stains could mean, he found himself falling backwards, not able to support her.

The street lightning was dim but still more than enough to showcase the amount of blood she had lost. Her body wasn’t responding, and he felt like he was holding a puppet, not his bubbly fiancée. His fingers reached for her neck, trembling as his breath caught in this throat.

_Please, God. Please. Please. Don’t take her away from me. She’s my whole life._

For the most painful second in his life, he felt nothing underneath his fingertips. No pulse, not even the faintest one. Then it was there. Weak. Slow. But it was there. She was still alive.

Looking around him, he realized the street was completely empty. It would be pointless to call for help, no one would hear him. His phone was probably shattered somewhere in the limo, useless. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind and think. All he could see was the blood on her jacket and coming from her mouth. Even her ring was spattered, the shiny diamond now oddly out of place on her limp, unmoving hand . She had only been wearing it for a few minutes and never in his life had Oliver felt more sure of himself and his actions than when he had put it on her finger. Was it all he was going to get? Just a few minutes of happiness? Had he been a fool to think that maybe he deserved a bit more? Had she paid the price for his foolishness?

His trembling lips lightly grazed her forehead, the warmth of her skin finally helping him gather his thoughts. Hospital. He had to get her to the hospital.

He picked her up as carefully as possible, laying her once more on the backseat of the limo.

“You have to hang in there, Felicity. You have to.”

Never had he been more thankful for his knowledge of every road and shortcut in Star City. The drive only took a few minutes, minutes that he spent talking to her, begging her to stay with him. _Don’t abandon me._

He doesn’t remember arriving at the hospital. He doesn’t remember holding her in his arms, busting through the entrance and screaming for help. It’s all a blur until the moment he lays her down a gurney and is pushed back by the doctors and nurses. They are yelling instructions, medical terms that don’t make much sense to him while all he can do is look at her, his arms hanging loosely, so empty now that they don’t hold her anymore. There is a buzzing in his ears as they are rolling down a desert hallway, going as fast as they can while making sure she is being safe. He’s there, by her side, like he is supposed to be, like he is supposed to be for the rest of his life, watching her beautiful face turning so pale and lifeless. And it is so unlike her that he feels a part of himself fading away as well.

Someone forces him to back away and he doesn’t even have the strength to fight them anymore. They are discovering new wounds. Her leg. Her stomach. Her side. They plug a monitor, and her heartbeat can be seen. Slow. But it’s still there.

Until it’s not.

The long, dull beeping sound is the one that finally pierces through the buzzing in his ears. He already knows that this sound will haunt his dreams for the rest of his life. It should have been her laugh, the way she had giggled when he had kneeled down in front of her earlier that night. But in those few seconds, he knows. He will never be able to forget that sound. That’s what helps him realize the inconceivable truth: she is gone. Her heart stopped beating. She is not breathing anymore. He will never hear her laugh again. Never see the smile brightening her eyes again. And it doesn’t make sense.

He falls back, something behind him holding him upwards, a wall or a random piece of furniture. He doesn’t know and he doesn’t care.

He is watching them trying to revive her, shouting encouragements she can’t hear anymore. He doesn’t understand how he can hear them. He doesn’t understand how he is still breathing. His own heart should have stopped beating with hers. Her last breath should have been his as well.

He doesn’t belong in a world where she doesn’t exist.

It doesn’t make sense. What is Death waiting for? He already took four breaths. Five. What is Death waiting for? Six. Seven. Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

“We have a pulse!” And just like that the buzzing sound vanishes. He hears the doctors, he hears the beeping sound again, this one brief, reassuring.

But the relief is short. Screams of “she’s crashing again!” and that hateful long, dull beeping sound come back.

He slides down, falling on the floor as his shaking hands cover his face. Suddenly, he remembers when she fell down on the floor, in that damn chamber. He remembers the utter despair. And he just knows he won’t survive losing her again.

_Please. Don’t leave me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There should be 2 or 3 more parts to this story, depending on the spoilers we'll get lol. I hope i'll be done before 4x10 airs :)
> 
> Don't hesitate to drop a comment, it always makes me day ;)


	6. Robin Hood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there aren't that many people who are invested in this story, but I plan on finishing it anyway. For me and for those of you who enjoy it ;) Probably only one part or two are left, though.  
> Huge thank you to @Victori96572376 for the poster she made and to Pidanka for reading it first ;)

 

 

He doesn’t remember anything. He can feel the cold tiles on his back and underneath him. He can smell the disinfectant. He can hear voices and beeping sounds in the background. But he can’t remember how he ended up sitting on the floor, in the hallway of the hospital. He is staring at his hands, where her blood lingers. Her blood. 

He doesn’t even react when someone calls his name. He hears cries and sobs and screams, but he doesn’t react. Someone has to grab him by the shoulders and force him to stand up until his eyes can see the blonde woman, in tears in his sister’s arms. 

“Donna…” he whispers. He tries to talk louder but his voice is failing him. His whole body is failing him because if it weren’t for Dig, he would have probably crumbled back on the floor when he saw the despair in Donna's eyes. The fear. The questions. _Where is she? Why isn’t she with you? Why are you covered in blood_? And the last one, the one she struggles to ask. 

“Is she alright?” her voice is small, dull, so unlike her, so unlike her daughter that Oliver can’t hold it back. 

He shakes his head, the words caught up in his throat as he feels his eyes burning. 

“Surgery” is all he can murmur. 

“How bad?” Dig asks, his own voice trembling. The soldier in him can see that the blood soaking Oliver’s shirt isn’t his… and the amount of it is chills him to the bone. 

Oliver swallows, desperately trying to get rid of the knot in his throat “They stabilized her after she went into cardiac arrest. Twice. I don’t… I don’t know how long she’s been in there.” 

Thea nudges Donna to a chair, gently forcing her to sit down “Let me see if the nurses have more info.” 

She leaves right away, her steps fast even if her own shoulders are shaking. Dig pushes Oliver down until he is sitting next to Felicity’s mother as well, while all he can do himself is pacing. 

“What happened? Lance got called by the hospital saying something about a car crash?” 

“Darhk… his goons, they ambushed us. Automatic guns. She got shot while I tried to… while I tried to…” his voice breaks as guilt takes over and suddenly he is unable to look at any of them. 

His fists ball up, the knuckles turning white as anger is slowly rising. This was supposed to be their night. The beginning of their life together.  He stole that away from them. Darhk stole that away from her. 

 _Until death do us part._  They had barely started. He still didn’t know what was the name of her first pet. The name of her favorite teacher in primary school. Her favorite Disney movie when she was a kid. He wanted to think it was Robin Hood. 

“What was her favorite Disney movie?” he asked Donna, his voice throaty and deep. 

Donna is startled by the question but she doesn’t have the time to answer as a doctor walks past the door that is separating them from the operating theatre. The man seems to be in his fifties, the white of his scrubs enhancing the tiredness on his face. 

“Are you here for Miss Smoak?” he asks, looking at the three of them. 

Donna nods, standing up on shaky legs and grabbing Oliver’s arm, not knowing he is barely keeping it together himself “I’m her mother.” 

The surgeon takes a deep breath “Miss Smoak is out of surgery. We removed the bullets, stopped the internal bleeding. But she will have to undergo another surgery, we couldn’t find all the bullet fragments. We are going to give her a few hours and then we will have to operate her again.” 

“But she’s… she’s alive, right? She’s going to make it?” Dig asks, the only one able to form words at the moment as Oliver and his future mother-in-law are clinging to each other, trying to understand what the doctor said. 

“Yes, she is. I will be able to tell you more once the second surgery is done, but she is stable right now. You can see her, if you want to. She probably won’t wake up before another hour, though. And only two people at a time, I’m sorry” he smiles reassuringly at them as Thea approaches them, a nurse by her side. 

“Dana, can you show them Miss Smoak’s room? Only two at a time, you know the drill.” 

The nurse smiles gently at them as she walks them down another hallway “Mister Queen, we can give you clothes to change into, if you want to?” 

Oliver doesn’t hear her, his mind counting the steps taking him to the love of his life. 

Thea answers for her brother “That would be nice, thank you.” 

56 steps. That’s how far he was from her. 56 steps. He almost laughs at the irony of the number, as if fate was torturing him. 

Dana stopped in front of a room, asking them to wash their hands in a nearby sink and use a hand sanitizer. 

“Don’t be afraid, there is a lot of tubes and sounds to help her recover. It’s perfectly normal, we are just monitoring her as closely as possible.” 

“Should we talk to her? Can she hear us?” Donna asks as she dries her hands. 

“She is still under the influence of the anesthesia, but she will slowly wake up. Hearing a loved one’s voice will probably soothe her” Dana answers softly, pressing a reassuring hand on Donna’s arm. 

The nurse then opens the door, letting Oliver and Donna walk through while Dig and Thea stay behind. As she pulls the curtain and they finally get to see her, Donna’s hand reaches for her mouth, trying to muffle her cries. 

“My baby girl…” she sobs as she sees Felicity lying on the hospital bed, her face as white as the sheets around her. Her body isn’t moving, and it is so unlike her, so unlike the girl they both love that they almost can’t recognize her. 

Oliver leans on the foot of her bed, clinging on the metal bar so hard he can feel his joins cracking. But he welcomes the pain. It grounds him. It’s the only thing that keeps him standing up. 

Dana gently shows them the two seats side-by-side near her bed and they both force themselves to take the next few steps and sit down. Oliver can’t keep his eyes off the movement her lungs are making: up and down. Up and down. She is breathing. She is alive. She will be OK. 

At first, Donna can’t get any word out. So she keeps silent and holds Oliver’s hand in hers as they both wait. After a few minutes, she straightens her shoulders and start to talk. Telling stories that happened at work, stories of when Felicity was a child, the latest gossips she heard about. Donna talks to her daughter constantly, probably not even caring about what she is saying as long as her baby can hear her voice and know that she is not alone. 

It’s the longest hour of his life. 

Felicity finally opens her eyes around 3 in the morning, moaning and almost choking on the tube in her throat. Oliver is up on his feet in an instant while Donna quickly presses up the Nurse call button. 

“Hey. I’m here. Don’t worry, honey. You’re fine. You’re going to be fine” Oliver whispers, his hand reaching for her cheek, softly caressing it, like he does every morning when she wakes up and is still drowsy and grumpy. He strokes her cheek, smiles to her, not paying attention to the tears that are streaming down his face because he doesn’t even feel them. All he feels is love as he looks into her eyes, those beautiful eyes that can see right through him. The eyes he thought he would never see again are now full of pain and confusion as they wander across the room, probably trying to make sense of what she is feeling. 

“She’s in pain” Donna says and he wants to reply but realizes he’s not talking to him, but to a nurse. She gently nudges him out of the way so she can access her perf and in a few seconds, he can see Felicity’s face relaxing once more, her eyes fluttering. 

Oliver lets out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding back as he falls back on his chair, Donna’s comforting hand on his back. 

“Robin Hood” Donna’s voice startles him as he turns his head to look at her. Her eyes are fixed on her daughter while she continues “It was her favorite Disney movie. She had a silly crush for that damn fox.“ 

A shaky smile grows on her lips as she probably remembers her daughter in pajamas, munching on her favorite cereals, dreaming to be Lady Marian. 

Donna swallows, drying her eyes “she used to say that Lady Marian would always be safe, that Robin would always come for her.” 

That is Oliver’s undoing. 

He didn’t save her. She hadn’t been safe with him.  

He is already standing up, unable to stay a minute longer there, not doing anything while she is fighting for her life a few inches away from him. He has to go, he has to leave. He has to do something. Anything.


End file.
